Eating Swamp Grass and Petting Crabs

The moment I got on the boat in Crisfield, Maryland, I thought I was going to a “normal” retreat. I thought I would get to know the other county Teachers of the Year, relax a bit, learn about the environment and then go home. While I got the chance to do the aforementioned fun things, I didn’t realize that I would also face and conquer fears as well as make lifelong friends.

One of my biggest fears is deep water. While I love the beach…from the sand…deep water always filled me with fear. Growing up in a small town means that I never had access to water deeper than my ankles. The result is that I never learned to swim but developed a healthy fear of all deep water.

This trip forced me to face this fear in many different ways. Smith Island only has one way to get to it… by boat. At the dock, I had a choice. I could either give in to my fear and go home. Or I could face my fear and experience something lovely. With my heart slamming hard in my chest, I boarded the boat for sheer force of will. As we left the dock, I had to talk myself out of being afraid.

A funny thing happens on the other side of fear…you find beauty. Once I stopped focusing on the thing that I was afraid of, I truly began to find the beauty in it all. I found the gentle beauty in the uncertain laughter of my fellow teachers as they shook off the barriers of the unknown on the journey to become friends. I found shocking beauty of the cold water as it sprayed us as the boat bounced along the waves. I found the rhythmic beauty of the movements of Captain Jesse and the boat crew as they worked together in a well choreographed dance. I found the beauty in the melodic interplay between the bird calls and the hum of the boat engines. I found the tranquil beauty in the warmth of the sun on my face and the wind at my back.

Armed with the beauty of the moment, I decided to embrace new things. I threw crab pots in the bay and petted a Maryland Blue Crab. I even went on a walk through a marshy swamp and sang to a snail to coax it out of it’s shell. I even tasted swamp grass and held a real Terrapin. And with every adventure, I chose beauty instead of fear. And as I embraced the beauty of each moment, I grew stronger, laughed harder, and learned more about myself than I ever thought was possible.

As I drove away, I was proud of the journey that I embarked upon the moment I decided to embrace beauty instead of fear.

It’s my BIRTHDAY!

On July 26, I turned 48 years old. I know…it’s kind of strange for someone over 40 to be transparent with their age. However, I am happy to celebrate every year I have been blessed enough to obtain. You see, when I was 27 years old, I was in a major car accident. I wrapped my car around a telephone pole going 65 mph. I sustained 5 broken bones and severe internal bleeding. I was so injured that the paramedics made the decision to Life Flight me to the Shock/Trauma Unit at Suburban Hospital. I’ve never been so hurt in my life and it took weeks to recover from the trauma to my body.

This near death, life changing moment helped me to put things in perspective. The perspective that I gained was one of gratitude. I gained the ability to look at the world in terms of opportunities instead of obligations. This ability to see opportunity, even in the midst of adversity, has helped me to become more positive and cheerful in my outlook. It has helped me to view criticism and failure with a frame of growth. I view every experience I have as a unique appointment with an ability to become a better me.

Even though I gained a new perspective, there are times where I still struggle. However, I always try to find moments of gratitude in the midst of struggle or sorrow. One of the largest struggles I have ever had to work through is the death of my mother. My mother was my only parent and I have grappled with her loss for the past 11 years. But even though I deeply miss her, I always find moments to reflect on the beautiful moments I have had being her daughter. I reflect on the time we almost got thrown out of my son’s elementary Christmas Concert because we couldn’t stop laughing. I reflect on the time she tried to teach us how to roller skate and almost broke a hip. I think about the values of hard work, determination and the unflappable belief that better days were coming that she imparted into my heart and soul. And in those moments of reflection, I gain perspective on love and loss. I am better for having been her daughter and I reflect on my eternal gratitude that I get to be a part of the legacy of such a great lady.

Although I am 48 years old, I am still on the journey to become better and better. I can’t wait to see the opportunities for growth, love and laughter I was be presented with this year. And I can’t wait to tell you all how this year challenged and shaped me to become a better form of me!